Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
