there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
