no, he came in my armpit
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
