a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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