how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
