so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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