I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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