I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
