So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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