Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
