I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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