When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
