Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
