so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
