We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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