he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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