I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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