I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
