i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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