I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
