Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Randomize
