There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sext me about skeletons
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
