who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
