when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
