If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
