Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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