How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
