I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
