he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
