she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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