I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
