someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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