so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
