real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
