this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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