I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
