My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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