Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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