I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
