Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
