you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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