You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
