How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
