Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
