it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
