alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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