How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
