I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
