We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
