the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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