dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
