I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
