The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
this just has baby written all over it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
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He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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