Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
