im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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