Soap is not a condiment
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
