so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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