physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
