Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
