I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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