I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
