They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
