I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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