Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
A bitchslap is in order.
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