"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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