Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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