this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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