new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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