i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
not ubering you a puppy
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
