She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
In America we eat man semen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.