i think my tv is drunk
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
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Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.