The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
