I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck me I smell like cheese