Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

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  (617): Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises http://tfl.nu/cep7
  Replies (4) Good night (1120) Bad night (596)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.

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  (803): i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/lklv
  Replies (39) Good night (6986) Bad night (1711)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??

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  (856): Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray?? http://tfl.nu/zh2p
  Replies (36) Good night (1174) Bad night (4080)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.

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  (774): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukm0
  Replies (20) Good night (4878) Bad night (960)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

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  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (7462) Bad night (1304)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...

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  (217): her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name... http://tfl.nu/e8r1
  Replies (18) Good night (1040) Bad night (4673)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.

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  (352): My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone. http://tfl.nu/x5d3
  Replies (12) Good night (1322) Bad night (4579)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.

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  (512): I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now. http://tfl.nu/d3l4
  Replies (5) Good night (3163) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".

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  (815): Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime". http://tfl.nu/6eu2
  Replies (3) Good night (2383) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars

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  (813): My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars http://tfl.nu/ok6n
  Replies (3) Good night (2252) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.

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  (757): you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof. http://tfl.nu/pdha
  Replies (11) Good night (2678) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?

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  (863): And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/3986
  Replies (25) Good night (968) Bad night (3642)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear

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  (416): Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear http://tfl.nu/hv34
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.

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  (508): I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night. http://tfl.nu/9irj
  Replies (9) Good night (1160) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.

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  (905): Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again. http://tfl.nu/504d
  Replies (1) Good night (296) Bad night (142)

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