I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
