Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
