you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
