I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
