suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
