I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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