Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
