I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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