can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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