I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
