He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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