did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
