I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
