i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
