Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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