Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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